when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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