The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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