i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
