I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
