I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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