No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
