My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
