Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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