Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
