First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
