Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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