If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
