About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
