I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
