Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
