my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
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