either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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