Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Randomize
