You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize