Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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