I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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