You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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