All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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