I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
