If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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