This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
