I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
