Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
