and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
