; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
