Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
