she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
