I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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