So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
