So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
