Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
