I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You took a bar mat shot.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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