i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
