around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
