So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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