the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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