I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
