i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize