Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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