I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He has the fingertips of a God
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