Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Never underestimate the power of titties
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
