I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
