you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
