he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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