u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
