Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
