I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I think your dad took our porno
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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