we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
