So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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