just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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