you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
