I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
That accounts for only three of the penises
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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