I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize