The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
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