just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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