Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
