two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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