Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
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