I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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