I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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