Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
