finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
