ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Randomize
