$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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