It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
