roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize