I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
