yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
