You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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