Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
