He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
