This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We don't watch enough power rangers
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
