i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize