My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
