dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
