We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
