you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
