downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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