About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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