well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
