Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Barsexuality is the new black.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
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