Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
