but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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