I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
