Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
