I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
