that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
